All my coalition partners were present. Secretary to the coalition, Fernando, announces that our important caller is on the phone:
Yaya: Hello my brothers and Sisters. This is his Royal Excellency Sheikh Professor Doctor Alhaji Yaya AJJ Jammeh, Esteemed Guest of The People of Maputo, Guinea Conakry.
Zainab (In background): This is not Conakry, you big fool. This is Equational Guinea. How many times must I remind you? And don’t forget to add Babili Mansa and Sheikh and Naseeruddin, titles the Islamic scholars bestowed on you. And be nicer in your tone so they think you’re sincere. Don’t forget to ask them whether I can travel to New York or Paris. There’s a new line of items from DKNY I must have. If not, I’m leaving you here and going to Morocco. (Rolls her eyes).
Yaya: Ehhh… like I was saying before your beautiful sister and caring Zainab interrupted me. This is Nasiru Deen Babili Mansa calling from Maputo in Equational Guinea. I always forget the name. My wife reminds me all the time. Erm, before I get to the main reason for my call, do you guys think Zainab, your beloved sister, can travel to America or France to do some “sopping” with the little money she worked for and saved?
Coalition Member Muna Sanseh: You depleted our coffers before you left Yaya. We will follow you to the depths of hell to get our money back. And for your edification, Maputo is in Mozambique. You don’t even know what city you reside in. I am speaking for the government of The Gambia…
Coalition Member Londiti: Yaya, I am the spokesman for the Government. I speak for the sovereign government of the people. We haven’t made any financial inquisition to determine what’s in the coffers. According to section 123, subsection 456 of the constitution, you must return back home to do a proper handing over and you must…
Coalition Member Buga Tubab (he was on the phone and didn’t hear anything said by the others). Hey Yaya my junior brother. I hope my Fula brothers are taking care of their Jola brother in Conakry! I will soon be minister of Tourism, hehehe. I see your cheeks are still shiny, you must be drinking that pure Yawoor in Guinea Conakry eh?
Yaya: Buga Tubab, let me tell you something no one knows. Billai Wallie Tallie, there are three days in life. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. Yesterday is gone, we are in today and tomorrow is not here yet! My raison d’être for calling is that in my position as former president and elder statesman…
Coalition Member Alfa Baa: Yaya, you are not an elder statesman. Over my dead body! Let me tell you something: I have the biggest political party here and my people…
Kaabayfor: Alfa Baa let Yaya finish. Just hear him out… Go on Yaya…
Yaya: As I was saying, I want to help you with your political himpasay (impasse). I understand that some of you are panicking that I will return if my children win the majority in the parliamentary elections. Heeey can you imagine! All the people that dined and wined with me and now turned against me will be running for cover! I see my ex ministers wearing Gambia Has Decided T-shirts. Even that Badibunka guy. Right now, the only loyal friend I have is Judas and Jam Sarr and a few others who are with me because of what I did for them. Even Saydem Njie has abandoned me. All he wants to do is talk to Zainab while he is under his bed covers…
Coalition Member Muna Sanseh: I don’t think we should be entertaining this guy. I have an outfit I must pick up today for a meeting tomorrow… Our country is at a critical juncture and …
Coalition Member Talibeh: Well you can leave the meeting Sanseh. You only have 13 people in your party the CMG. We will just add your signature to that of Alfa Baa and…
Coalition Member Alfa Baa: Hold on a minute. I have the largest party. I get to determine the direction of of my party and the numbers and I don’t need…
Coalition Member Londiti: Alfa Baa, its inaccurate to say you have the largest party because your numbers have been dwindling since 2001. And according to the Constitution…
Coalition Member Buga Tubab: So Yaya, tell us some funny jokes please. How about the time you recorded Ellen Johnson without her knowing. You’re one cheeky boy… hehehe… Can you tell us how you went from…
Coalition Member Talibeh: Buga Tubab, this is not a time for jokes. We have serious issues of national interest to discuss. I heard that Thione Seck is coming here. Like Youssou Ndour, they all ignored our plight but want to kill us with this nonsense that we are all one people!!! We need to worry about all these Yaya enablers pretending as if they’ve been in the trenches fighting with us while they elbow each other for credit in booting Yaya out.. In my party, thousands of my militants….
Coalition Member Muna Sanseh: Talibe, I don’t appreciate your comments about my party. We have a larger following than you do. No one can name three people in your party after you and your wife! I think you’re jealous of me. Anyway, you guys carry on because I have to go get fitted for a new outfit for a new portrait!
Coalition Member Londiti: According to the Constitution, all politicians must dress as the peasants they serve… And section…
Coalition Member Kahbayfor: Please not another lecture on the Constitution. We’re just here to determine how we should contest the parliamentary elections. Do we support each other or should we fight individually. Before Yaya Jammeh came in…
Coalition Member Alfa Baa: Where, came in where? Where is he ? Call security!! Someone needs …
Coalition Member Kahbayfor: I meant before he called in. Calm down Alfa. Senegal is here to ensure we are all safe! And they will not leave until Alagie also feels that he is safe and we are all safe…
Yaya: As I was saying… Do you know that man, eh….
