All that the perpetrator wants you to do is: to see no evil, talk no evil, hear no evil. He wants you to show “solidarity” by shouting “innocent until proven guilty”. He wants you to shame the victim, question her morality or chastity, blame her for the abuse, make her feel guilty and push her into silence and oblivion. All that the perpetrator wants is your neutrality or apathy, that universality response to evil. Just seal your mouth or look askance. That is all….Nothing more, nothing less.
All that the victim demands from you: understanding, empathy, feeling and justice. No more. She wants you to feel her pain: the emptiness, trauma, brokenness, isolation, anger. She wants you to empathize with her, with her situation and ask yourself what you would have done “if she was your sister, daughter, niece, cousin, wife”.
She wants you to fight for her, to seek justice on her behalf, to see that justice is not just done but is seen to be done. She wants you to know that due to her powerlessness and vulnerability she would need your support to fight her abuser, to ensure her abuser faces the full wrath of the law….She wants you to know that her abuser is “powerful” or is being supported by powerful people and so without your support justice will never be done or seen to be done in her case. She wants you to know that in supporting her you will be up in arms against people who are powerful or influential and so it would be like walking in a minefield… But she knows that you are a lover of justice and so will always be on the side of the weak and the powerless and no amount of vilification would make you leave her side… There cannot be any better honour…
See, you can find ample evidence in murder, burglary, corruption, drug trafficking, etc. But sexual abuse is one crime where physical evidence is hardly ever found…. What physical evidence will you find in sexual harassment, frottage, voyeurism, fondling with a child, etc.? Due to threats, manipulation, coercion, rape is often not reported and when it is, physical evidence is either destroyed or cannot be traced.. And abusers know how to clear their tracks, how to destroy evidence… So next time you ask for evidence from victims, to corroborate their accusations, please think twice….. Understand the role of power in the abuse, the use of grooming and threats and the victimization process…
And so put yourself in the “shoes” of the victim if you have any conscience, the feeling of betrayal by someone you trust or look up to. The sense of hopelessness you will feel when you report or talk about the betrayal. Think about everyone blaming you for breaking up the family, for breaking up a great marriage, for sending a breadwinner to prison, for spoiling the “good name and honour” of the family, for bringing dishonour to the family, for all evil there are in the world…Think about the loneliness you will feel, the suicidal tendencies that would be creeping into your head… Think about how society will view you.
Think about how you would be looking at yourself….And all the blames heaped at your door, on your little body, left to the wolves. Just think for a moment that this victim is your own sister, daughter, niece, cousin, wife, childhood friend or just a relative. How would you feel about people’s neutrality or apathy? How would you feel if everyone is ganging up against you? How would feel seeing your love ones blaming you for the abuse, those who should have known and protected you? Think about it…
It is a shame that in the conflict between a victim of sexual abuse and a perpetrator, some people prefer neutrality and apathy or engage in victim blaming and vilification… It is a very shame that in the conflict between the weak and powerful, some people gather around the powerful to show solidarity…It is a more stenching shame that in the conflict between a victim of rape and a perpetrator, the State which is supposed to be the protector of the victim would not only side with the perpetrator but wants to see the death of justice. Who would be saviour of the victim? If the State can betray victims, who else can they trust? If the State is not interested in justice, how can justice be served?
In the scale of sexual abuse, the benefit of the doubt is always with the victim. It is powerless against the powerful, always…. It is the one victim against the rest of society. If you can’t be with the victim, who can you stand with? If you can’t stand for justice for victims, what will you ever fall for?
Dear Mr Drammeh ,
Having read your article, I find it very interesting and bias in the simple sense that you never accord any opportunity for the alleged perpetrators of sexual crimes to clear their names . In your article, you want people to believe that every victim must be believed or trusted and I do not think that is objective. Innocent until proven guilty is fairness and justice which must be accorded to any alleged perpetrator. Likewise Victims shaming is unjust and outrageous. I understand you are one of the few people in The Gambia who is very supportive of feminists activists who have the backing of international organizations to introduce me too movement in The Gambia. But You must understand that these people are only interested to fill their pockets while they have little interest to advance women’s rights.
Going back to your article, you failed to recognize that sometimes women makes false allegations against many innocent people and therefore , it is imperative to have physical evidence such as DNA , physical marks such as bruise , or any evidence to substantiate the allegations. But your claim that “sexual abuse is one crime where physical evidence is hardly ever found…. What physical evidence will you find in sexual harassment, frottage, voyeurism, fondling with a child, etc.?” This is outright misinformation and very disturbing perception. In any crime , physical evidence and evidence of crimes are needed in the court of law . You need to put yourself in that situation where someone accuses you of rape but there was not evidence. How would you feel about that? I would encourage you to be objective in your article and be open minded when you are writing. Do you know how many innocent people lives have been destroyed because of false allegations? This is why there are innocent projects around the world which help to free innocent people from prison . look at the case of the Gambian brother Melvin Robbison who was falsely accused of rape but police report exonerated him though the Justice ministry want to pursue the case just to satisfy me too movement donors in the country. Whether you are paid activist or not , you need to be objective when it comes to any crime . The problem with most Gambians is that they are not objective in their writing. It is this lack of objectivity that we had mr saidy Barrow appointed at TRRC as research director even though he was conflicted person . Not only him but Baba Galleh Jallow is another one . Do not look at the one side of the story or any crime , look at the evidence that is presented. Look at the TRRC today , when Jammeh was in power most people believe that he was using Mfdc rebels to kill Gambians but we now know it was Gambians themselves who killed Gambians .
I also think you should do your home work before you support any alleged victims of sexual crimes. You must understand that men are also sometimes victims of sexual crimes by women . Innocent until proven guilty is the highest level of fairness to treat each other. So the alleged perpetrators of sexual crimes must be accorded that fairness otherwise we will have mob justice. I do not think you want to be a victim of mob justice or public condemnation when you are innocent. So be objective in your thoughts.
Thank you