My team got together to work on the logistics of the campaign. Our campaign manager wanted to be in charge of the finances and decide what was spent where and when.
One of my advisers, a childhood friend, told me I was going to be the president and I should be the one to decide how my campaign is run. I agreed with him. I called the campaign manager and told him how I wanted things done. He agreed without any protest. Untamed obedience! My four point campaign program was as follows:
1. I asked for youths because they’re energetic and we needed an energetic crowd. My campaign manager told me he’s in contact with our youth wing and they’re mobilizing the militants. We would have to provide them a place to stay and give the youth leaders some allowance for their upkeep through the campaign. We will also need to feed them and buy cigarettes and attaya. Some of them like to smoke Mary Jane so that they can be more active and that was very critical to us. We didn’t want any lazy youths on the campaign trail. The youths are the backbone of the country. We need them.
2. I asked for women because we can use them to sing and dance and make our campaign much more merrier. Women on the campaign trail tend to also motivate some men to come along. The campaign manager assured me that all the Yai Compins have been activated and they’ve been visiting osusu groups and gardens to mobilize the women. We need the women for our campaign. My Vice President will be a woman. That’s what our party’s legal secretary calls gender parity. We believe in empowering women and we must highlight these achievements to our educated women supporters who are of feminist leanings
3. I asked for various drummers and dancers. The campaign manager assured me that they’ve already contracted several drummers, singers and have a DJ with a sound system that will play music at all our meetings. He also informed me that he has retained the services of a special griot who will be around me to sing my praises at all times. When I mentioned the griot to my wife, she said she will find me a griot herself. She said the griot speaks all the major languages. I agreed. We changed griots!
4. We printed T-shirts, bought scarfs, bought asobis, printed banners, rented vans, sent emissaries to all the regions of the country announcing our campaign tour. At every stop, we expect the community to honor us with a cow or sheep. Our diaspora supporters hosted fund-raising events and uploaded videos of these events. They announced how much was collected and it was a competition to see which chapter collected the most.
Renowned fashion designers offered me deep discounts. They want to be the one to dress me. I was given free internet by private companies. Corporations rented vehicles for us in secret. Real estate companies donated huge sums. Prominent citizens sent in ideas. Very educated people sent in programs I should talk about and they made sure to sign off with Dr. One of them not only signed off with Dr., he still felt the need to add a PHD to his name because he has a PHD. He offered to leave his job in England if I needed his services.
Our treasurer updated me on our finances daily. He told me he wants to be finance minister or trade minister. Our propaganda secretary wanted to be minister of communications. My wife wanted her own office and staff as First Lady. We dreamt of all the places we will visit! She also had business ideas.
The people in the diaspora sent me names of qualified Gambians who should be in government positions. I was informed of funds raised by important backers who worked in international organizations. I saw the list of names. Everyone wanted me to know what they did and how much they did. People were sending me suggestions on who should get what position. I told them let’s campaign first.
Solidarity visits were conducted in the dead of the night. Various tribal groups visited me to tell me their tribe was behind me. People from my region assured me of votes because I was one of them. Some people visited in secret because they were actually aligned with my opponent. They fed us information about my opponents. They told me how my opponent wronged them and how close they once were to my opponent. Others kicked out by my opponent also joined us.
We welcomed everyone regardless of who they are or how sordid their past. It was God’s duty to hold people accountable, not ours. Our mantra was that politics is all about numbers. We had no issues elevating people of questionable character if they can bring votes. People who aided and abetted thievery found a home with us. Opportunists found a home with us. Spineless cowards found a home with us. We called that diversity. They all assured me that their motivations was pure. That they hold no grudges agonist my opponent. It was all for country.
We planned our campaign route. Our informants told us some of the people were donating to my opponent as well. They told us that some of those pledging allegiance to us actually carried water for my opponent. But we have no issues with hypocrites so long as I get votes!
Our campaign theme was to tell the people all the problems they face because of the government of the day. We will promise them water and electricity. We will promise them better lives. We called it Vision 2030. It was in line with our party manifesto, my propaganda secretary assured me, because I have never read the manifesto myself.
We went on our campaign. Made our promises. And then it was elections results announcement! My compound was full of people… we all waited with baited breath… And the results were announced… I…
