Sir Mboteh Serious, managing director of Daajang Enterprises was a famous man in our little town. He had a Bachelor of Arts degree in Turning Techniques from the famous University Ken Amut, a Masters degree in Grabbing Techniques and a PhD in Yahayeb Studies. He was famous for being a highly successful businessman, but he was even more famous for being one of the most serious persons in our little town.
In fact, Sir Mboteh Serious was so serious that when he laughed, his teeth threatened the sky and his cheeks shook like a sail in the windy seas. It was his deeply held conviction that when one laughed, one’s teeth must threaten the sky and one’s cheeks must shake so much that everyone would know that one was a serious guy. That was the only way serious work can be done in our little town. It was his deeply held conviction that our little town must be inhabited by nothing less than absolutely serious persons. It was from this line of thought that Sir Mboteh Serious developed his famous philosophy of Serious Persons, aka Serious Serious!
According to Sir Mboteh’s philosophy of Serious Persons, one must always show a clear sense of purpose in public life. When in the public eye, one must not only be seen to be seen to be serious, but must also be known to be seen as a person who was always serious, and who always displayed his or her seriousness through everything ranging from the size of their cheeks to the ways in which they slightly tilted their head this way or that when they were giving speeches. As Sir Mboteh himself liked to put it in his smooth and baritone voice, “we cannot pretend to be serious when all we can do is fail to stand properly when we talk; or fail to realize that we are in fact standing and not sitting down when we talk. Because that is against the law of serious persons and contrary to being serious persons. I will not allow that.”
Sir Mboteh Serious rendered these thoughts in such appealing tones that he was soon nicknamed Serious Persons, a title that carried a lot of honor and dignity in our little town. To be so serious as to be called Serious Persons meant that you were more than one ordinary person and may in fact rightfully be called two-in-one or even three-in-one, as the case may be. Sir Mboteh Serious liked to say that he was a ten-in-one, and no one argued with that proposition. For Sir Mboteh Serious was indeed the greatest proponent of the philosophy of Serious Persons and the only one who ever had two different versions of the same philosophy and was able to explain both versions with a single mouth.
It was Sir Mboteh’s deepest conviction that what kind of serious person you were depended on what position you held in public life. So the type of serious person in our little town was different from the type of serious person in say, Rabaraba Land where one faces a different type of serious culture and can exhibit certain lofty manifestations of seriousness which were totally unsuited for our little town. “If we say this is this here, we have to say that is that there. That’s what it means to be serious,” he would say, flailing his hands this way and that. “You cannot have this and have that at the same time. Only one thing. Only one thing in this little town!” he would loudly emphasize with an air of seriousness that always sent his audience clapping and hooting his praises.
So when he was in our little town which was almost always with the exception of few travels here and there, Sir Mboteh Serious stayed stiffly resolute in teaching his philosophy of Serious Persons not only by tilting his body a certain way when standing, or by flailing his hands or wearing certain types of boubous, coats or shoes, or by smiling at the sky, but also by the way he walked; because according to his philosophy of Serious Persons, even the way you walk must show that you are a serious person.
It was always a delight once in a while to see Serious Persons grandly sailing by, his frame slightly titled forward, a serious look in his generous eyes, his lips always ready to laugh, and his legs methodically following each other on the ground, almost as if he was some kind of mobile structure, perfect in the smoothness of his sailing, but serious from the face to the glances with which he regarded those he passed along the way. He would respond to admiring calls of Hey Serious Persons by waving his hand and saying each time, yes, how you doing? Our common townsfolk knew that Sir Mboteh Serious was never mad at them, and that he was always busy carrying out some serious business to make every one of them a serious person.
And Sir Mboteh Serious was equally good at living the difference in his philosophy of serious persons whenever he visited Rabaraba Land or some other more endowed regions of the world. There, he would discard all his fancy shoes and bossy clothes and would clad his frame in some modest fabric and cowhide shoes. Then every morning, he would generously rub white butter on his face so that it shone like a flash and then adjust the special look in his eyes. Then he would pose for a shining smile at his image in the mirror and take a cool selfie before stepping gently forth to say hi to the neighbors and enquire of the weather in those parts! He would not tell them about his philosophy of Serious Persons, but would declare that he came to learn from them. When the neighbors asked him what he was called, he would say he was Mr. Moo, since Moo was not difficult to pronounce. And he would always smile and laugh inside when people hailed him Hey Moo, come on over man! How you doing man? Hope you enjoying our country man!
Sir Mboteh Serious would let rumble his hearty laughter and say oh yes, oh yes; you people have the most beautiful country in the world! I always tell my people back home, but they are not serious!
